Can you honestly say you have never rushed to a judgement leading to actions which, although well-intentioned at the time, on reflection could have been very different?  I know I have!

I was inspired recently by Anjuma Begum. Anj is a care experienced young adult who works in a home where children cared for live.  Anj plans to become an independent visitor to support other young adults who have experienced care and presented at the national independent visitors conference last week, she was incredible.  I shared that I was writing this blog and asked Anj if she wanted to share a message, this is what she said:

“When I was in residential care I was struggling with my mental health.  I overdosed and was put into hospital with a drip.  A staff member said to me ‘You are increasing pressure by wasting precious health care services.’  They could easily have asked if I was ok or why I was feeling how I did.  My message to everyone reading this is that professionals should face children with kind eyes and without judgement.  And start the relationship from there.”

Last year, in Northamptonshire we employed an incredible person called Malachi Graham, Mally is also a great source of inspiration.  He experienced being in care and now advises us on how to improve the experiences of children in our care.  His insight is always wise, and he really is driving positive change.  I also asked Mally if he wanted to share a message, this is what he said:

“Through my life people have always told me stuff but hardly ever asked me what I thought.  It felt like preconceptions of what I have done and what I look like.  Person after person glossing over the good things and focussing on what is wrong.  I was in court at 16 and went through 3 trials, I felt judged by everyone who was supposed to be supporting me.  My message to everyone reading this is that I challenge you to truly listen to someone in your care, to actually hear what is being said and act on what you have heard if you want to really help and make a difference.”

This week, Thursday 19 September, marked young people’s mental health day.  We know that so many factors can have a significantly adverse impact on mental health such as the trauma associated with entering the care system.  I hear from many care experienced children, young people and young adults who say that they felt constantly judged when entering care and during their time in care.  We have to replace this judgement with curiosity and kind eyes and build our relationship with them.  How do we know that we are making a difference to the individual children, young people and young adults when they are, or have been, in our care? We should ask ourselves, ‘was I fully present, really hearing what the other person was saying, and why they were saying it? Was I interested, but also curious?’.  Sometimes that means looking for what’s not said, what’s left out, and which words are used to mask emotions that are hard to acknowledge. And finally, ‘what action am I going to take following the conversation and  in agreement with the child/young person?’

It really is encouraging to see so many local areas making care experience a protected characteristic and whilst this is a good start it does not go far enough alone.   There are some really powerful, positive examples in children’s services across the country, but there is always more to do. By sharing knowledge, understanding, words of wisdom, encouragement and best practice examples we can collectively make a real difference to the lives of children and young people. This is why, I love that it is ok to pick up the phone or drop an email to a colleague in another area and learn from them.  Together, we can drive positive change for children and young people with kind eyes, interested and engaged listening ears, and a generous amount of curiosity.